Saturday, January 26, 2008

A BRIGHT SUNNY SATURDAY MORNING

It is a bright sunny Saturday morning in Los Angeles and I shaved today for the first time in almost two weeks and feel almost human. I know that my body is healing but it seems so slow a process. Most of my exercise in the last couple days has been dealing with diahrea at all hours of the day, but I do get up and down by myself and that is good.

I do thank God every day for my doctor, that he is able to deal with this cancer. And that I will be well eventually. I just continue to take this whole thing one day at a time.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Surgery successful. Now recovery.

The surgery was successful and I got home Monday, Jan 21 and it was nice to be home. Had a lot of pain but with vicadan it went away and I was able to get some sleep. I was planning to have take a picture of myself 'now' and 'after' - without shaving I look pretty scraggly (I scared myself and my dog Heidi). I guess I also don't smell too good. However, I can still smell (read still alive) and am getting around with a walker.

I won't know the lab reports for a couple days but my doctor said he was sure that the cancer is completely gone. Yea! Now I have to work on healing - I guess there is always something.

I am looking out the window to gloomy skies but they look pretty good to me!!!!

More later.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Tomorrow is the Day



How fast the days from Dec. 10th to Jan. 14th went! This Saturday we went to Ports of Call in San Pedro again, this time with a friend who took some pictures. Above is my next to last meal before surgery. Tomorrow I go in to the hospital at noon and then they clean me out so I will have clean intestines to make the new bladder.
Tuesday morning early I will have the surgery, 6-8 hours, and for the next week or so the only food I can't have will be solids and liquids. Hence, the last meal. (Get it?)
In a way I have sort of lost the battle with the demon cancer but in a way not. Cause the beast won the battle, but with the bladder removal, I will win the war!
Long live me!!!




Friday, January 11, 2008

Under 70 hours now

Not that I am counting or anything but now it is under 70 hours until I check in to the hospital and begin to meet my new life. Last night I learned some exercises to use with the new bladder, and learned a little more about to expect during and after the surgery. Today I had an appointment with the stoma nurse and learned about the best and worst cases for the new bladder system. I guess I can live with either, although I would prefer the best case. The nurse was going through being diagnosed with cancer and we hugged and said that we both will survive.

I am ready to face this thing (that is right now, ask me again an hour from now) and I do want to live and I do want beat this cancer. I am trying to he optomistic and positive and to keep my sense of humor. I will probably be off the internet after Monday morning for a week or two or three.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Five more days

Just five more days left for me to be a normal person. Three more days to go to work before I go on an extended sick leave.



Next week this time I will be in ICU, with tubes all over and missing body parts. I just hope I didn't make a terrible mistake. It seemed like the right decision at the time, and maybe it was the only way to keep from dying of this damned bladder cancer. I have had so many friends die of different cancers and they didn't have a chance like I seem to have. I just hope the cure isn't worse than the disease.



I do have a good doctor and I guess I really do have to hope that he will do a successful operation (leaving me cancer free and with a life after surgery) and that I will be in the small group of men for whom bladder removal surgery has worked. Friday I meet with the doctor/nurse who will explain about the alternate surgery option if the doctor can't use my urethra, and I think I rather be dead than have a pee tube sticking out of my stomach. Freakdom doesn't appeal to me.



Sometimes I have serenity and courage and am ready to face this terrible surgery and other days I just want to run somewhere and hide - but where? I will keep working on this blog but there probably won't be any entries for a long time after Monday, Jan. 14th.

One thing I am sure about though. I won't drink. Despite all that has gone on with this terrible cancer and what might happen next week, I am still grateful for my sobriety. A long time ago I decided that if life never got any better, that I would still keep and cherish my sobriety. That hasn't changed.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Words of Wisdom

Laugh alone and the world thinks you are an idiot.


I took an IQ test and the results were negative.


Give me ambiguity, or give me something else.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Less than 10 days now

It is less than 10 days until hospital check in time. Today I talked with a guy who went through the surgery 3 weeks ago, and got a lot of positive support from. He is doing OK and thinking about going back to work in two weeks. I guess there is a lot of hope that I can get through this OK. The goal from this surgery would be "cancer free" or "cured" and those would be wonderful goals.

Oh well, on to the weekend and meetings and more working on the "Bucket list". It is too bad I will miss that movie since it comes out on Jan. 11.

I put up a sign " Never, never, never give up."