Thoughts

When someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.


When you stumble in life, make it a part of your dance.

Another Grand nephew pose - Carlos

Do you see a pattern here?

Do you see a pattern here?

My Grand Nephew

A typical pose?

More Stained Glass in my House

Christmas Stained Glass Scene

MORE ART 2

MORE ART WORK

MORE ART WORK

ART WORK

Siegfried fighting Fafner over the Rheingold.

Start of a series of artworks done by me over the years.

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

I have been busy lately - my department's Expo in October, all my other work, and arranging for an art exhibition at City Hall in October. Some days I feel like I am losing ground, but I can only do what I can do in a day, and then do what I can in the next day. One day at a time.

I have selected several nice pictures for the gallery - mostly from patients at a physical thereapy hospital. Two people - a man and a young woman - have done beautiful paintings using mouth sticks, because they can't control their bodies, and they are an inspiration to the hope and high spirits of people who rise above difficulties. I only hope that I can do the same. I guess I have risen above difficulties and probably have more courage than I give myself credit for.

I also ordered condoms for the AIDS prevention section of my department. I wonder what they think of someone ordering over 2,500 condoms. They must think I am really in demand!

I talked with an AA friend in Florida but she is OK - no huricaine damage. However, I did find out from Tony that his sister lost her house to Ike and we bought her a new one. I hate surprises like that, but it beats a casino bill! Also, things like this make me grateful that I do have the ability to help others.

I did see a friend take a 27year cake at an AA meeting today and that was nice. Also saw a newcomer at the second meeting in two days.

More later.

Thought (?) For Today

Did you ever stop to think,
and forget to start again?

Jazz Night Tonight

We had planned to go to the Sunset Junction Street Fair this weekend but the arthritis in my hip makes walking painful, so instead we will go to a restaurant in Glendale where they have a live jazz band. The food at Jax is good and the music was great the last time we went there a year or so ago.

If I can't do one thing, adapt and do something else. I am grateful that I can do something else.

Things not to say on a dating site

"I like poetry, long walks on the beach and
poking dead things with a stick."

lol

A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN L.A.

Well, the weather is beautiful and we will have a lazy weekend, maybe taking some friends out to lunch tomorrow. Last week end we went to the Plum Tree Restaurant in Chinatown and it was excellent as usual, and provided enough left overs for two more meals.

I did the Physical Therapist's exercises maybe too well, cause they are working too good, and now I have trouble emptying my bladder. If it isn't one thing it is another, as Rosanne Rosanannadanna would say. Also the arthritis in my hip is acting up but older people get that sort of thing. Outside I guess I am old but inside I am still 18 or 19 and want to be the number one Rap artist.

JOKES

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."


A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two fish swam into a concrete wall. One fish turned to the other and said "dam!"

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

I went to the store to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but couldn't find any.

BIRTHDAY WEEK !

This is birthday week for me at my AA meetings. So far I have taken 33-year cakes Saturday morning, Saturday evening and Sunday morning. And I will take one at 12:30 noon today from a good friend who is also dealing with cancer. After today's meeting I plan to go out for lunch. It has been a difficult year but I have gotten through it all.

At work, I am hoping that the Expo is a "go" but I won't know until later this week. At least I have done all I could do to make it happen. Somethings just won't happen no matter how hard you work for them, but with determination and strength from a Higher Power many things are possible.

The weather is a little cooler, but I still want to get some air conditioning in the very near future, at least for the bedrooms. I still don't know how to put air in the living room without ruining the view.

Time flies when you are having fun

Time flies when you are having fun. I have been working hard trying to keep the Expo alive. I got out a bunch of letters to prospective sponsors, former sponsors, former exhibitors, etc. Now to wait for the results - and money, of course.

Still doing the exercises and recovering from the surgery. Can't drive yet and that is a bummer. Maybe I will try to work something out with the seatbelt. Also, I should try riding the bus to work to see if I can take the jolting - maybe experiment with sitting and standing up. If I did take the bus it would cut the gas bill down a lot and free Tony for doing something other than driving me to and from work.

AA birthday - June 23rd - is getting closer and I am planning to take cakes. I sure had an interesting year.

House Painting Finished

Here is how the house looks today. The blue is a little darker than before and I think it came out very well. The painters did a good job and even did the little things - the details that are noticable to me but probably not noticable to passers by.

Now I have to think a bit about landscaping but maybe wait for a while because of the drought.

House work

Now I am catching up on all of the things I was going to do before surgery, and then some. First the plumbing was replaced. It started out as a $850 job and ended up at about $2,000. One thing and another. But at least it is all done and should last a while.

Then a smaller job - cutting down a lot of a huge tree in front of the house - $100 job.

Now I am in the middle of getting the house, painted including scraping, some stucco repair, some wood repair and primer - $3,000. Plus another $500 for some eave work. The house should look beautiful, though, and I will post pictures. I wanted to do this before the surgery but couldn't find anyone to do it. These guys work really hard and take a lot of pride in their work.

I am also working hard to get my department's Expo going again this year and more and more I think we will be successful.

A motto I put up at home and work when I was facing surgery was:

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER

GIVE UP.

Thoughts

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Give me anbiguiuty or give me something else.

Proof of back to work

I am really back to work. This picture was taken on the receptionist's cell phone on Friday. The paper I am holding in my hand is "work". It is now the weekend and we just got back from lunch at Sizzler where I ate too much. Before that we had to take my dog Heidi to the vet cause some insect bit her and she started to swell up. She is OK now.

Back at Work

Today is Wednesday and I have been back to work for three days now and doing very well. I am doing my exercises and doing a lot of work. I went right back to my regular schedule of 9 hours without doing part time work. Also feel good to be out of the house and not watching 30 year old game shows on the Game Show Network.

People were happy to see me back, and now it is like I was gone for just a short while, and that is good. I just want to work without a lot of fuss. The cancer is gone and I am still here.

I have been trying to put narratives of my recovery on the various bladder cancer support where I am a member, to give other people encouragement and support as they deal with bladder cancer and possible bladder removal surgery.

Getting Ready for Work

Saturday went great. Friends took me to Appleby's in Alhambra for my birthday. Had shrimp pasta.

Now am shooting for Monday, April 14th for a return to work and am now trying to get up earlier to prepare. Today I tried getting up at 6:15 and getting a shower and was able to be "ready to leave for work" by 7:07 am. That timing should work. I can have a breakfast at work at my desk - maybe McDonalds. I am realizing now how bored I am staying at home all of the time, watching tv and reading the New York Times.

Today I see the doctor and have some blood taken. Then I might have lunch with an old friend but not sure. I didn't realize I had a doctor's appt. until after my friend callled and I don't know his phone number to call him back, just his email.

What A Two Day Period!

This has been a red letter week. Yesterday I got dressed in suit and tie and went into the office to say "hi" to all, and to see if I could sit in my chair for work. It was a great day and very successful. They also had a birthday cake for my 69th which is Saturday. It was nice to be dressed up for work and I think I will shoot for April 14th for my first day back, exactly 3 months from the day I went into the hospital!

Today I great news from two sources. A friend of mine in the Wellness Community reported that the new chemo she was having is working perfectly and instead of just giving her some more time, it is PUTTING HER IN REMISSION. A wonderful answer to many prayers.

Also a dear friend in Chicago sent pictures of her and her brand new baby girl. She had had a couple miscariages and I hadn't heard from her for a long time and was worried about her health and the baby. Again this was an answer to many prayers and I can't imagine anyone who could be a better mom that her.

Saturday I will be going out to eat Chinese for my birthday. WOW!

Nice Easter

Yesterday was a nice day. I got out of the house to a restaurant for the second time. Went back to Foxy's for turkey dinner, since it was so good the last time. Again sat up in a booth and felt OK. I did a bunch of "brainstorming" for ideas for my department's Expo and sent them off by email yesterday. I hope that some of the ideas solve the problems and keep the Expo on track. They do seem do-able.

Today I will get to a meeting and tomorrow will go to Tony's doctor's appointment with him. His appointment is 10 am near Beverly Hills, so we will have to leave at around 9 am. I want to get some early starts for my day, so I can begin to prepare to go back to work. I really can't afford to retire now, because of the medical coverage and other reasons. Even working one more year gives me one more point toward retirement and that means a couple hundred each month. Plus I really enjoy the work and the people.

I guess I always thought it would be nice to stay at home and collect the pay checks, but it really isn't so nice.

Good Day yesterday

Yesterday was a good day. I went to Foxy's Restaurant in Glendale, my first time to go to a restaurant since before the surgery!!

I sat in a booth and was comfortable sitting straight up and not on a slant like my recliner at home. It was nice to order from a menu and just be out of the house. I saw an AA friend on the patio and rapped on the window to get his attention. He did a double take and came in and we talked for several minutes, both of us happy to see each other.

Then off to an AA meeting where I saw two guys take birthday cakes - 10 years and 17 years - and was a nice ending to a nice day. Just being able to sit up again is an accomplishment on my road to recovery.

Also talked with my boss at work and worked out the timesheet information and I may even be able to give ideas on how we can put on my department's ACE Expo, which is in doubt now because of money. Even if no one likes my ideas, at least I can be thinking about something other than my surgery, etc. Also if I email something to them, they can't roll their eyes back as I make the presentation!

I also told him that people are free to visit or call me if they want. Monday my sister Marilyn will visit and I am looking forward to that. I also want to get a longer outing - yesterday I was out about 3 1/2 hours.

Just a little update

Went to the hosptal yesterday for physical therapy and learned the exercist I have to do each day. Talked with the Urology nurse and she reassured me about my recovery and we even had a nice talk about stained glass. She had made some pieces and I told her about the things I had made. I came home and took pictures of some of my windows and will take them in to her the next time I get over to the hospital.

I have been out of the house 7 times since getting home from the hospital, three doctor's appointments and 4 AA meetings. Maybe this week I will get over to get a hair cut.

I am still taking things a day at a time and that seems to work. This morning I seemed to have a little less pain in my abdomen, the site of the surgery.

Better and Better

Recovery is still slow but I am getting better and better (at least my doctor says so and others tell me so). Thursday I got out to my first AA meeting since Jan. 14th and it was good. This was pretty exciting for me, since the only other two times I have been out of the house since released from the hospital were to go back to doctor's appointments at the the hospital. There was more excitement on the way.

One of the Los Angeles gangs and the police decided to have a shoot out on my regular route to the meeting. It started with a drive by gang shooting 2 miles south and they murderers tried to "escape" by driving north which was right toward the NorthEast Division Police Station. The police stopped the car and three of the passengers began firing automatic weapons at the police, who returned fire and killed two and arrested a third. The police and helicopters kept at the scene looking for the fourth person and gathering the evidence. I guess there were like 50 rounds fired. They keep the streets closed for some of the morning into the evening. The local middle school was locked down unti around 6:30 pm.

Anyway there is never a dull moment. Actually this is the first gang activity in years and there used to be constant activity, so there has been progress

Continuing to recover

Recovery is slow and sometimes seems to be non existant but It really is there. I may be getting some control of my BMs and that is a start.

Four friends of mine from work come over to see me on Wedneday, the day before Valentine's Day and it was a wonderful surprise. Tony fixed them dinner but most of the things were things I couldn't eat. It was nice to know that people cared enough to come over.

Next week I have to go to Kaiser Hospital to have some blood taken so this will be my second "outing" since coming home from the hospital. I am going to try to wear pants and not just the hospital gown, and try to talk with the oncology nurse for a couple minutes.

I am almost ready to try going out of the house for a short trip, maybe to an AA meeting.

Recovering slowly

Slowly, I seem to be recovering. My plumbing functions but on its own schedule. I am getting some rest, though. I have walked around in the back yard 3 times and try to walk around inside the house for at least 10 minutes. Took a shower today and that felt good. I guess I am happy about little things. I miss my Wellness community group and worry about those folks.

I try to be gratful for my progress, though it seems like little progress sometimes.

Good news yesterday

Thursday I had my first post-surgery doctor's appointment and the news was good - CANCER FREE. The labs showed cancer in my bladder only and that is gone, gone, gone. They took some xrays of my new bladder and it looks OK. They also took out the staples, and surprised me by taking out the drain and the catheter (that was supposed to be next week). I still have a lot of pain but that should now diminish.

Now I have to move into the next phase - learning how to pee.

I thank everyone for their prayers, cause I think this was a big part of what has happened.

Also today it turned to February. That means that my surgery was LAST MONTH!

A BRIGHT SUNNY SATURDAY MORNING

It is a bright sunny Saturday morning in Los Angeles and I shaved today for the first time in almost two weeks and feel almost human. I know that my body is healing but it seems so slow a process. Most of my exercise in the last couple days has been dealing with diahrea at all hours of the day, but I do get up and down by myself and that is good.

I do thank God every day for my doctor, that he is able to deal with this cancer. And that I will be well eventually. I just continue to take this whole thing one day at a time.

Surgery successful. Now recovery.

The surgery was successful and I got home Monday, Jan 21 and it was nice to be home. Had a lot of pain but with vicadan it went away and I was able to get some sleep. I was planning to have take a picture of myself 'now' and 'after' - without shaving I look pretty scraggly (I scared myself and my dog Heidi). I guess I also don't smell too good. However, I can still smell (read still alive) and am getting around with a walker.

I won't know the lab reports for a couple days but my doctor said he was sure that the cancer is completely gone. Yea! Now I have to work on healing - I guess there is always something.

I am looking out the window to gloomy skies but they look pretty good to me!!!!

More later.

Tomorrow is the Day

How fast the days from Dec. 10th to Jan. 14th went! This Saturday we went to Ports of Call in San Pedro again, this time with a friend who took some pictures. Above is my next to last meal before surgery. Tomorrow I go in to the hospital at noon and then they clean me out so I will have clean intestines to make the new bladder.

Tuesday morning early I will have the surgery, 6-8 hours, and for the next week or so the only food I can't have will be solids and liquids. Hence, the last meal. (Get it?)

In a way I have sort of lost the battle with the demon cancer but in a way not. Cause the beast won the battle, but with the bladder removal, I will win the war!

Long live me!!!

Under 70 hours now

Not that I am counting or anything but now it is under 70 hours until I check in to the hospital and begin to meet my new life. Last night I learned some exercises to use with the new bladder, and learned a little more about to expect during and after the surgery. Today I had an appointment with the stoma nurse and learned about the best and worst cases for the new bladder system. I guess I can live with either, although I would prefer the best case. The nurse was going through being diagnosed with cancer and we hugged and said that we both will survive.

I am ready to face this thing (that is right now, ask me again an hour from now) and I do want to live and I do want beat this cancer. I am trying to he optomistic and positive and to keep my sense of humor. I will probably be off the internet after Monday morning for a week or two or three.

Five more days

Just five more days left for me to be a normal person. Three more days to go to work before I go on an extended sick leave.



Next week this time I will be in ICU, with tubes all over and missing body parts. I just hope I didn't make a terrible mistake. It seemed like the right decision at the time, and maybe it was the only way to keep from dying of this damned bladder cancer. I have had so many friends die of different cancers and they didn't have a chance like I seem to have. I just hope the cure isn't worse than the disease.



I do have a good doctor and I guess I really do have to hope that he will do a successful operation (leaving me cancer free and with a life after surgery) and that I will be in the small group of men for whom bladder removal surgery has worked. Friday I meet with the doctor/nurse who will explain about the alternate surgery option if the doctor can't use my urethra, and I think I rather be dead than have a pee tube sticking out of my stomach. Freakdom doesn't appeal to me.



Sometimes I have serenity and courage and am ready to face this terrible surgery and other days I just want to run somewhere and hide - but where? I will keep working on this blog but there probably won't be any entries for a long time after Monday, Jan. 14th.

One thing I am sure about though. I won't drink. Despite all that has gone on with this terrible cancer and what might happen next week, I am still grateful for my sobriety. A long time ago I decided that if life never got any better, that I would still keep and cherish my sobriety. That hasn't changed.

Words of Wisdom

Laugh alone and the world thinks you are an idiot.


I took an IQ test and the results were negative.


Give me ambiguity, or give me something else.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Less than 10 days now

It is less than 10 days until hospital check in time. Today I talked with a guy who went through the surgery 3 weeks ago, and got a lot of positive support from. He is doing OK and thinking about going back to work in two weeks. I guess there is a lot of hope that I can get through this OK. The goal from this surgery would be "cancer free" or "cured" and those would be wonderful goals.

Oh well, on to the weekend and meetings and more working on the "Bucket list". It is too bad I will miss that movie since it comes out on Jan. 11.

I put up a sign " Never, never, never give up."